Visualized.Feel.Abundance

Hey Folks,

This post was created as a result of an inspiration from the sharing of a good friend. Enjoy.

Overcome The 5 Degree Of Fear
Fear of Failure - If you have nothing to lose, why fear?

Fear of Failure 2 - If you have a little to lose, lose it and learn how not to fail next time.

Fear of Failure 3 - If you got a lot to lose, lose it too if you deem success more important than what you have to lose.

Fear of Failure 4 - If you have everything to lose, lose it too! Quote me a billionaire who has never lost before.

Fear of Success - It’s funny but true! Sometimes when you are so close to success, you fear that you will make it. Think about all that you have lost to get here and you WILL DO IT!

Learning Experience
Don’t get me wrong, I am not asking you to focus on losing. But all too much time, we hang on to a safety line (that’s the something that we have to lose if we fail).

Cutting this safety line means that you have to fight outside your comfort zone and that’s when you really have a chance to win, to succeed!

Cheers
James

PS: Incidentally, overcoming fear also overcomes most cases of procrastination!

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Hey Folks,

Lets talk about something most employees who care for their livelihood would never dream about saying to their bosses. The word we are talking about here is “NO” and by that I mean “No” to assignments/requests/demands given by their boss.

My Reasons For Saying “YES”
I used to be a “YES” employee, everything that was ever assigned to me, I’d take them. Even if I don’t know a thing about it or even when I was already drowning with my current assignments. So why do I always say “YES”? Here are some of my reasons (thoughts actually):

1) I fear of being branded (or marked) as
- Insubordinate or rebellious
- Unable to Multi-task
- Inefficient or Ineffective
2) I want to be on the good side of my boss
3) I felt that I have no choice but to accept because he is my boss
4) I want my promotion
5) Or simply, sometimes I just don’t know how to say “NO”
6) Or worst, I fear I be shown the door if I say “NO”

So did the “YES” man attitude work for me?

Saying “YES” Was Good
In the beginning, all was well. I could handle all the assignments and demands and completed them quite well. But I did end up attracting more assignments precisely because I did them well and never say “NO”. But that was what I wanted, to prove my value and get a promotion.

I did get my promotion and attracted even more responsibilities and more challenging assignments. Again a good thing because I still could handle them. But good things are good if it is not carried to the extreme. Occasional overtimes are OK, especially if it is part of the nature of your job (such as finance department being extra busy during periods where they close their account books). But the moment you start taking so much assignments that you consistently do overtime, you will start to attract the “not so good” things.

Saying “YES” Was Not So Good
Fatigue starts to set in and you start losing family/personal time. You will get irritated or lose focus easily because of fatigue. And finally, your mood gets affected, negative thoughts starts to creep in and you start attracting bad things. At this point, you better learn how to say “NO” to your boss. Well, actually, you should start saying “NO” selectively well before this.

If you carry on accepting assignments at this point, you will soon find yourself juggling between so many assignments that you start to be inefficient and more critically, you start making mistakes and blunders that you could not afford! That could become fatal! Fatal to your career, that is.

So How Did Saying “YES” Attract This Mess
So why did it happen the way it happened and how did saying “YES” turned from being good to being bad? It all started with my thought! Go back and take a good look at the reasons that influenced me to say “YES”. The only positive thoughts in there were “I want my promotion” and “I want to be on the good side of my boss”. But the rest of my thoughts prevented me from saying “NO” when it was necessary to say it.

Different Thoughts, Different Results
So what if my thoughts were:

1) I need to understand what I need to do to get a promotion
2) I will complete my assignments as efficiently as possible
3) I will not accept a task, with ample reasons, if I cannot handle it
4) I will learn from my boss, ask for guidance whenever possible
5) If I had to accept more assignments than I can handle, I must have the resources to complete them

If I had these thoughts in the first place, I would have said “NO” where necessary and will not be afraid to ask for resources or extension of datelines if the assignments cannot be declined! See the difference?

Why Saying “NO” Can Attract Good Results
By saying “NO” to your boss, you indicate to him that there is a problem. Explained to him what the problem is and negotiate something out of it. No bosses wants his project to end up in flames, right? Think positive. Giving you a new assignment may mean he isn’t quite sure of your current work load or he is still testing the limits of your capabilities. So tell him that you have reach it by saying “NO”! Because the other option is to go down in flames!

Summary
So do you still think saying “NO” to your bosses is necessary a bad thing? Not necessary, you just need to know when to say it and how to say it. Nows your turn to talk! Share your experience and views even if you don’t agree with what I said. It is always good to have both views so we can compare and learn from them
Love,
James

PS: In my article, I always refer to someone as “HE”. The boss(es) need not necessarily be a “HE”, It’s just easier and less cluttered then writing he/she all the time.

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Hey Folks,

It’s been slightly more then 2 months since I wrote my first post on the “9 Secret Steps To Life Transformation” series. It started with the simple vision that I wanted to pen down my success formula that I had put together through years of trial and error at my own cost. I wanted to share it with you and others like you who are interested to help yourself, which is probably why you are sitting here reading this blog.

I believed that abundance starts with giving and sharing. By sharing this gift, I believed that I will attract more into my life. More experience to gain, more positive people to meet, more things to learn and a more fulfilling life.

It is also my hope that my 9 steps has helped at least some of you in some ways. If it did, thank you. I thank you because, you made my sharing valuable and meaningful. If it had help no one or motivated none, it would have been futile. So, Thank You from the bottom of my heart.

If you have benefited from this series, I welcome you to leave a note or comment here. If you have any suggestion for me to improve, you may leave it here too

Before I sign off this post, here is a summary of all the post in the series for your easy reference:

Step 1 - Take Back Your Full Responsibility
Take Back Your Full Responsibility
Story 1 (Part 1)
Story 1 (Part 2)

Step 2 - Show Your Gratitude
Show Gratitude To What You Have
Karen’s Story On Gratitude
A Technique To Give Gratitude

Step 3 - Find Your Dreams
Find Your Dreams
The Ladder Of Dreams

Step 4 - Visualize Your Dreams
Visualize Your Dreams
8 Steps Visualization Technique

Step 5 - Feel Your Dreams
How To Keep Your Dreams Alive (Part 1)
How To Keep Your Dreams Alive (Part 2)
How To Keep Your Dreams Alive (Part 3)
How To Keep Your Dreams Alive (Part 4)

Step 6 - Take Action
The Unspoken Secret Of “The Secret” Movie
Take Action
Do You Procrastinate
Bury The Procrastination Monster

Step 7 - Feel The Abundance
Do You Have Limiting Beliefs
Knowledge Creates Abundance
Karen Lim’s Abundance At Work

Step 8 - Stay On Course
Stay On Course
Learning From Steve Jobs

Step 9 - Study Your Reflection
Study Your Reflections
Study A Successful Refection
How To Choose The Right Mentor

Love,
James

PS: I came across this site telling this touching story about making a difference and it describe how I feel when I know I had made a difference. Enjoy - http://www.makeadifferencemovie.com/  (We are not related to the site but I love the story)

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Hi Folks,

Since we started the series “9 Secret Steps To Life Transformation“, from time to time we will receive emails asking Karen or Myself questions pertaining to certain situations or asking for clarification on certain points we mentioned in our post.

We love all these emails and we response to each and everyone of them, sharing with them how we would handle the situation ourselves if we were in their shoes based on our own experience and our understanding of the Law of Attraction.

Then Karen suddenly said “Why not we share some of the questions and answers with our reader on our blog? The question is certainly relevant and our answers may benefit a lot of folks out there but we need to masked the name of the reader who is asking the question.”

“What an excellent idea!” I thought and here it is, our first “Share An Answer” Post. The question was asked after our reader read this post - “9 Secret Steps To Life Transformation: Karen Lim’s Abundance At Work” and here’s the question (published with readers permission):

“Hi Karen,

Was reading your recent blog about asking for help with project management and have some questions.

What do you do when you get negative or aggressive reactions when you ask people something, even though your questions are perfectly legitimate? I’m also interested in knowing your immediate Feelings when you get a negative reaction.

Hugs
xxxxxx”

And here is Karen’s reply:

“Hi xxxxxx

It all begins with our own thought.

If you are thinking negatively, you will perceive some one’s question/response to be negative. It is all about perception.

Even when I get very heated response from someone else (eg someone shouting at me), I will not response back negatively. This is the sure way to make the person cool down and may even get an apology for the behavior later. And I will accept his/her apology gracefully. That is my perception of life. Why get angry with someone and become sad/hurt yourself? Make no sense to me.

Well, I probably wouldn’t behave in such a COOL manner a few years back. I could do it now because my perception of life and people has changed. Whatever others may perceive, if it is positive, I like to enjoy their positivity. If their response is negative, I will ignore them and do not join in or participate in the negativity.

Cheers
Karen”

Most people feel distressed or helpless or victimized when they are abused verbally or faced with an aggressive person for no reason at all. They tend to think that they have attracted it to themselves. “What have I done to deserve this treatment? ” or “Why me again?” is always the first thing on their mind. So did they really attracted it in the first place?

Not necessary, you could have just caught the person in a foul mood exactly at the wrong moment. A classic case of being at the wrong place at the wrong time.

And what if you had attracted it! You always think “Will boss be mad at me today?” everyday, surely you WILL end up doing something to attract him at his worst moment!

But that beside the point. My point today is how you can handle it when you find yourself in that position whether intentionally or unintentionally. In all these cases, the best defense is stay calm and don’t overreact to the verbal abuse or aggressiveness. Any thing you say will likely be akin to adding fuel to fire and trigger more aggressive or abusive response.

Your lack of response may make him madder at first but trust me when I say he will get over it when he realized that he is acting like a clown or monkey in front of an unappreciative audience. And just like in Karen’s case, when the abuser realized that he was venting his anger on the wrong person, you may just get that sweet apology.

Your turn to talk: What do you think of this share an answer post? Does it benefit you? Is it OK for you as a reader? Do you have a question you are dying to ask us or get our opinion? You can comment here or sent your questions to karenlim88@gmail.com with the subject (Share An Answer) .

Love,
James

PS: If you do not wish your questions and answers to be publish at all, please do state so. It is our policy that we do not publish names under any circumstances unless explicitly instructed to do so.

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Hi Folks,

I know today I am late in my post and I could have published on of my pre-written articles or the new sharing series (it will now be published on Sunday) for today but I decided I would share my first hand experience in stress management today.

Today I had to visit the dentist and it took 8 hours from the time I step into the clinic till I got out and it wasn’t about my tooth. It was my daughter, she had a bad toothache plus a dose of fever due to the infection around the left bottom molar.

Since it was a last minute thing and we had no appointment, so we had to wait for an available slot. It was a 2 hour wait from 10.30am and I had to endure Stella’s nagging on when it’s her turn! I know she is irritated due to the pain in her tooth and a slight fever so I patiently explained the concept of appointment and that since we came without an appointment we had to wait. She said “OK but when is my turn?”

This is the beginning of my stress. I can take questions but I cannot stand nagging. Especially one that I cannot shut out quite that easily. So I quietly wish for our turn, so we can get the problem tooth extracted and done with it! Here’s what I apply to manage the low level stress:

• Regulate My Breathing
• Ignore The Irritation (Which means I ignore Stella’s complain!)

When it was her turn, the dentist gave a preliminary checkup and ask Stella to take an Mouth Cavity X-Ray. During the X-Ray, he explained that based on his experience, it is likely that there is tooth decay from within the molar. Maybe even 2 of them so it may be more complicated than a simple tooth extraction.

I thought “Oh Dear! Lets hope for the best!”. But now I had skipped my lunch and had to worry about the result of the X-Ray. It is at this moment that, negative thoughts invaded ….. “What if Stella needs to extract 2 teeth, can she handle the pain” … “Will it be to traumatizing for Stella” … “What if it cannot be extracted but need more complicated procedure” … etc. I guess you know where that is heading. I am frightening myself ….. fortunately for me, it lasted all of 3 minutes. After which I consciously banished the negative thoughts that is starting to frighten me. Here’s what I apply to manage these low-to-medium level stress:

• Regulate My Breathing
• Remind Myself That What I Think Will Not Alter The Results Now

The next time we saw the dentist was an hour later. That is when he confirmed that 2 of Stella’s teeth is decaying from the inside due to a penetration from between the side of the 2 teeth. I had to make a decision after consultation on whether I would like to

1. Extract one and patch up the other (Traumatic to the child but cleanest. However, cosmetic issues will arise later. This is a long story)
2. Just clean the in between (Not recommended as it is just delaying option 1 and 2)
3. Do a root canal procedure to settle the problem (Recommended as it preserves the 2 teeth and prevent any cosmetic issue. Less traumatic but the procedure is lengthly)

Here comes the headache and some moderate stress. I love this dentist, he always gives all the options and tells me everything I need to know. I hate this dentist, he never gives me a firm recommendation. But since I had accepted 100% responsibility of my life, I had to live with it. I chose option (3) after consulting with Stella. Oh, she’s 6 years old only but she decision making process is already like an adult.

After another 1 hour wait, it was Stella’s turn and I went in with her for the procedure. I can tell you this is where the REAL stress kicks in. To stand there watching holes drilled into her molars and getting the inside cleaned out. To hear the whines of the machinery, to hear squirms and cries from Stella due to the pain (yes, still rather painful even after local anesthetics, her gums were still partially inflamed), to see the tears running down her eyes, to see all that and all I could do was hold her hands and say “It’s all right Stella! You are a brave girl! Just a little while longer! Doctor is pulling the little worms out now!“.

It’s the helplessness, the inability to do anything to help that frustrates me and adds to the stress that was building up. I had to constantly remind myself that Stella is in good hands. I have done all I could and needed to do. A specialist is here to handle the situation and help her. I just had to trust them. It wasn’t easy because my dearest is on the line. And there were moments again where negative thoughts broke through my defenses and invade my mind …. “What if Doc misjudged the anesthetics dosage” … “What if Stella stick her tongue out at the wrong moment when Doc is drilling” … “What if Stella cannot handle the pain and she makes drastic movements” … etc. It was real because there were moments where Stella did move her tongue and was warned off by Doc. Here’s what I apply to manage these medium-to-high level stress:

• Remind Myself That I Have Done My Best and The Best Is Handling The Situation
• Remind Myself That My Need To Feel Helpful Is Just A Self Comforting Need, I Don’t Really Need It
• Remind Myself That Negative Thoughts Now Will Negatively Affect The Mood Around Me
• Remind Myself That I Need To Lend Strength And Encouragement To Stella

The procedure took 45 minutes after which Stella’s fever went up and She wanted out due to the pain after completing the procedure on one tooth. We took a break, gave her paracetamol and I tried to talk her back to complete the procedure. She relented but during the wait, she fell asleep! It’s already 4.30pm in the afternoon, 6 hours since we arrive at the clinic.

During the wait for Stella’s turn, more “issues” crop up. I am not sure if Stella will want to complete the procedure now that she had a break and some time to contemplate what happened. For all I know, she may be having a nightmare right there. It was approaching the time where I had an appointment to fetch Karen (my other dearest) and I’m going to miss it. My mum who accompanied us to the clinic is as tired as I am, skipped lunched too and I feel apologetic to her and I still had my blog post which I have not posted today. This time round, maybe due to fatigue, maybe due to accumulated stress, the negative thoughts lingered longer and minor things are starting to become an issue. Fortunately, I still had some secret weapons in reserved. Here’s what I apply to manage these low-to-medium level stress in a fatigue state:

• Dismiss The Thoughts As Irrelevant
• Remind Myself That All These Issues Could Be Settled With A Good Explanation

Finally at 6pm, we went in for the last part of the procedure. Stella endured more pain and I endured more negative thoughts banishing them along the way and trying to think positively and succeeding towards the end. All in all, our dentist achieved most of the objective we set out in the first place except the source of causing the inflammation beneath the molar. We had to settle for treating it with antibiotic instead. Now Stella is already running around like the monkey girl she is right after the procedures not realizing how stressed up or hungry her dad and granny is.

It was only when I reach home that I realized that I had a slight headache, probably due to the combination of hunger and fighting stress. Was I really stressed out? Not really but there were real but managed stress. I would probably have a real bad headache if I did not know the skills which was applied consciously throughout the day. So I would say Stress Management does work for me and by sharing them here, I hope you could benefit from it and apply it whenever you feel the beginning of stress.

Love,
James

PS: Oh, by sharing all these in writing with all you readers, I actually got rid of my mild headache. So sharing does have positive effects

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