Hi Folks,
I know today I am late in my post and I could have published on of my pre-written articles or the new sharing series (it will now be published on Sunday) for today but I decided I would share my first hand experience in stress management today.
Today I had to visit the dentist and it took 8 hours from the time I step into the clinic till I got out and it wasn’t about my tooth. It was my daughter, she had a bad toothache plus a dose of fever due to the infection around the left bottom molar.
Since it was a last minute thing and we had no appointment, so we had to wait for an available slot. It was a 2 hour wait from 10.30am and I had to endure Stella’s nagging on when it’s her turn! I know she is irritated due to the pain in her tooth and a slight fever so I patiently explained the concept of appointment and that since we came without an appointment we had to wait. She said “OK but when is my turn?”
This is the beginning of my stress. I can take questions but I cannot stand nagging. Especially one that I cannot shut out quite that easily. So I quietly wish for our turn, so we can get the problem tooth extracted and done with it! Here’s what I apply to manage the low level stress:
- Regulate My Breathing
- Ignore The Irritation (Which means I ignore Stella’s complain!)
When it was her turn, the dentist gave a preliminary checkup and ask Stella to take an Mouth Cavity X-Ray. During the X-Ray, he explained that based on his experience, it is likely that there is tooth decay from within the molar. Maybe even 2 of them so it may be more complicated than a simple tooth extraction.
I thought “Oh Dear! Lets hope for the best!”. But now I had skipped my lunch and had to worry about the result of the X-Ray. It is at this moment that, negative thoughts invaded ….. “What if Stella needs to extract 2 teeth, can she handle the pain” … “Will it be to traumatizing for Stella” … “What if it cannot be extracted but need more complicated procedure” … etc. I guess you know where that is heading. I am frightening myself ….. fortunately for me, it lasted all of 3 minutes. After which I consciously banished the negative thoughts that is starting to frighten me. Here’s what I apply to manage these low-to-medium level stress:
- Regulate My Breathing
- Remind Myself That What I Think Will Not Alter The Results Now
The next time we saw the dentist was an hour later. That is when he confirmed that 2 of Stella’s teeth is decaying from the inside due to a penetration from between the side of the 2 teeth. I had to make a decision after consultation on whether I would like to
- Extract one and patch up the other (Traumatic to the child but cleanest. However, cosmetic issues will arise later. This is a long story)
- Just clean the in between (Not recommended as it is just delaying option 1 and 2)
- Do a root canal procedure to settle the problem (Recommended as it preserves the 2 teeth and prevent any cosmetic issue. Less traumatic but the procedure is lengthly)
Here comes the headache and some moderate stress. I love this dentist, he always gives all the options and tells me everything I need to know. I hate this dentist, he never gives me a firm recommendation. But since I had accepted 100% responsibility of my life, I had to live with it. I chose option (3) after consulting with Stella. Oh, she’s 6 years old only but she decision making process is already like an adult.
After another 1 hour wait, it was Stella’s turn and I went in with her for the procedure. I can tell you this is where the REAL stress kicks in. To stand there watching holes drilled into her molars and getting the inside cleaned out. To hear the whines of the machinery, to hear squirms and cries from Stella due to the pain (yes, still rather painful even after local anesthetics, her gums were still partially inflamed), to see the tears running down her eyes, to see all that and all I could do was hold her hands and say “It’s all right Stella! You are a brave girl! Just a little while longer! Doctor is pulling the little worms out now!“.
It’s the helplessness, the inability to do anything to help that frustrates me and adds to the stress that was building up. I had to constantly remind myself that Stella is in good hands. I have done all I could and needed to do. A specialist is here to handle the situation and help her. I just had to trust them. It wasn’t easy because my dearest is on the line. And there were moments again where negative thoughts broke through my defenses and invade my mind …. “What if Doc misjudged the anesthetics dosage” … “What if Stella stick her tongue out at the wrong moment when Doc is drilling” … “What if Stella cannot handle the pain and she makes drastic movements” … etc. It was real because there were moments where Stella did move her tongue and was warned off by Doc. Here’s what I apply to manage these medium-to-high level stress:
- Remind Myself That I Have Done My Best and The Best Is Handling The Situation
- Remind Myself That My Need To Feel Helpful Is Just A Self Comforting Need, I Don’t Really Need It
- Remind Myself That Negative Thoughts Now Will Negatively Affect The Mood Around Me
- Remind Myself That I Need To Lend Strength And Encouragement To Stella
The procedure took 45 minutes after which Stella’s fever went up and She wanted out due to the pain after completing the procedure on one tooth. We took a break, gave her paracetamol and I tried to talk her back to complete the procedure. She relented but during the wait, she fell asleep! It’s already 4.30pm in the afternoon, 6 hours since we arrive at the clinic.
During the wait for Stella’s turn, more “issues” crop up. I am not sure if Stella will want to complete the procedure now that she had a break and some time to contemplate what happened. For all I know, she may be having a nightmare right there. It was approaching the time where I had an appointment to fetch Karen (my other dearest) and I’m going to miss it. My mum who accompanied us to the clinic is as tired as I am, skipped lunched too and I feel apologetic to her and I still had my blog post which I have not posted today. This time round, maybe due to fatigue, maybe due to accumulated stress, the negative thoughts lingered longer and minor things are starting to become an issue. Fortunately, I still had some secret weapons in reserved. Here’s what I apply to manage these low-to-medium level stress in a fatigue state:
- Dismiss The Thoughts As Irrelevant
- Remind Myself That All These Issues Could Be Settled With A Good Explanation
Finally at 6pm, we went in for the last part of the procedure. Stella endured more pain and I endured more negative thoughts banishing them along the way and trying to think positively and succeeding towards the end. All in all, our dentist achieved most of the objective we set out in the first place except the source of causing the inflammation beneath the molar. We had to settle for treating it with antibiotic instead. Now Stella is already running around like the monkey girl she is right after the procedures not realizing how stressed up or hungry her dad and granny is.
It was only when I reach home that I realized that I had a slight headache, probably due to the combination of hunger and fighting stress. Was I really stressed out? Not really but there were real but managed stress. I would probably have a real bad headache if I did not know the skills which was applied consciously throughout the day. So I would say Stress Management does work for me and by sharing them here, I hope you could benefit from it and apply it whenever you feel the beginning of stress.
Love,
James
PS: Oh, by sharing all these in writing with all you readers, I actually got rid of my mild headache. So sharing does have positive effects 
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Welcome back to Volume 4 of Positive Articles 
